Emmett becomes a Pirate
by superduperme
Summary: Emmett goes and sees a movie about pirates and decides to become one. Since everyone else is gone Jasper is stuck trying to help him fulfill his "dream".
1. Chapter 1

JPOV

You know this day has been pretty boring. God, how come everyone is doing something except for me. Carlisle, Esme, and Edward are hunting, and Alice is probably hopelessly failing at trying to develop some sort of fashion sense into Bella at the mall. That really only leaves one person.

Emmett.

There's no shouting, no barking, and I don't hear HIM trying to launch a taco stuffed canon off the roof. How strange.

" Emmett! Get your oversized butt over here dude!" I was forced to scream this because when the house is completely silent you know that Emmett's up to no good. God, where could that butthead have gone to? This is weird.


	2. Chapter 2

EPOV

O my god.

That was the most amazing movie I have ever seen. I have finally decided ehat I want to be. Oh my god there's so much I have to do. I have to prepare myself for this very serious and highly skilled job. First, I'll get the proper attire and then I have to get a crew and then… I almost forgot the most important thing. I must tell everyone!!!!!

JPOV

After frantically searching high and low for HIM, I heard the door slam shut. Well, I found HIM. And this time it was worse than you would expect.

"Jazzy!!!!" Emmett said.

The expression on his face looked like an overexcited puppy about to pee on someone's foot, which was normal for HIM. But his outfit, or more like costume, was, even for HIM, outrageous. First, HE had poopish brown pants that looked like bloomers, which should've been under some fat lady's dress. Then HE had this tan shirt that was all open in the front and instead of being buttoned, it had lace. HE was wearing a long black torn up coat with way too many pockets, and he had dark tan leather boots. This isn't even the worst part. HE was wearing a hat with the skull and crossbones, an eyepatch, a hook, and… "Oh my god Emmett! Is that a parrot???" HE must've lost it. Why didn't we take him to a mental home when we had the chance?

"Yup! That's a parrot all right! His name is Mr. Rainbowieness. Wanna pet him???"

HE isn't even a HE anymore. HE's an IT. I studied IT's outfit. Wait a second. Eyepatch, hook, parrot? " Emmett are you a…"

" PIRATE!!!!!!!!!!!" IT practically screamed. " Yes, I'm a pirate! You see, earlier today I went to this really awesome movie. It was called Pirates of the Carribean. It was inspirational! I mean not only did I decide to become a pirate, but I learned the word inspirational too!!!"

"Uh ya about that.."

" What??? Is someone soming to attack???" IT said looking around and ready to draw his, excuse me, IT's plastic sword, which was probably from walmart.

"No. No one's coming to attack you Emmett, but you can't exactly be a pirate."

"Why not!" IT pouted. This was questionably the funniest face IT had ever made in a long time. IT looked sort of constipated, but trying to laugh and pout at the same time. Why do I never have camera with me?

"Well because…uh..um" Dammit. I don't really have an answer for that one.

" Ha!!! I got you there didn't I? Now if you don't mind I have a little favor to ask of you."

"No." I stated clearly.

"Why not? You don't even know what I'm about to ask!" IT said.

"I don't need to know either. I'm pretty sure it involves something stupid."

"I just wanted you to be a part of my crew." Then IT held up a completely rediculus outfit, very similar to his own.

"No. This is stupid. Even for you this is a little dumb."

"Okay that might be technically true, but it's still gonna be awesome! And it would really mean a lot to me if you did." Oh, no. Not the puppy dog eyes! Even when IT looks like a total retard I can't stand those eyes.

"Uhg. Fine what do we have to do."

IT had a smug smile on his face. One that I knew only too well. This is gonna be bad, very, very bad.


	3. Chapter 3

EPOV

I'm so freaking excited for this!!!!!

"Okay. First we need to study our treasure map," I said. I need to be the leader in this seeing as I have pretty much all the smarts.

"We have a treasure map? Seriously?"

"Of course we have a treasure map!" He was even dumber than I thought.

JPOV

Wow. I still cannot believe I'm doing this.

IT took out IT's treasure map thing.

Again WOW. It wasn't even a treasure map it was written in purple crayon. "Emmett, did you make this???"

"Uh, no?" IT had the guiltiest look on his face. Of course the answer was yes. IT definitely wrote this whole treasure map with the stupid purple crayon I can see hanging out of his pocket.

"Any ways…" IT said, obviously trying to change the subject. "The treasure map is going to lead us to the dark, unknown parts of this world. Are you up for it?" I cannot believe IT was serious!

"Yes, Emmett. I think I just might be able to pull enough strength out of my completely inhuman body to face the 'challenge'." You'd think that IT would be able to notice all the sarcasm in my voice, but, of course, IT is too stupid to notice.

"Okay then. The first thing on the map shows a person walking to the fridge of Emmett's house. Oh, what a coincidence! We're already in Emmett's house!"

"There's a shocker."

"Aw aw aw! There will be no back sass from you mister! Now let's quietly go to the kitchen or I'll have you demoted!"

"Demoted from what???"

"The second captain of the crew."

"Emmett I _am _your crew."

"Oh. Well then I'll hang you by your thumbs!" This was really getting out of hand.


	4. Chapter 4

EPOV

" This is so exciting!" I said.

"Emmett is it really necessary to crawl to to fridge?"

Poor, poor Jazzy. He doesn't even know how stupid he is! I must help cure his stupidyness.

" Why yes Jazzy we must crawl! This is war!!! We could be attacked at any moment! Staying hidden is completely necessary!"

"Right. I'm sorry I even asked Captain Emmett"

Ooh Captain Emmett. I like the sound of that!

JPOV

"Alas! We have reached the fridge!" IT said in stupid proud voice.

"Emmett, we walked across the room." God he's stupid.

"Shhh! Don't spoil my moment! Now, according to the map, we open the fridge!"

EPOV

Jazzy boy really isn't taking this seriously! Maybe if I let him do the honors of opening the fridge he would get it...

JPOV

" First mate Jasper!" IT called.

" Uh huh."

" You may do the honors of opening the sacred fridge, which we have traveled far and wide to find!" Did IT really have to talk that loud? I mean I'm right here!

" Ya sure" Again, really, really stupid.

"Ehem"

"What?"

"I believe the correct response is 'Eye Captain'" Is IT serious??? Fine whatever lets just get this over with. The sooner he finds his treasure, the sooner I can call Carlisle to come babysit.

"Right, of course. I meant Eye Captain Emmett."

I reached to open the fridge. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THATS IT? I CRAWLED ACROSS A ROOM FOR AN HOUR AND THIS IS ALL I GET??? Stupid stupid IT.


	5. Chapter 5

EPOV

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I think I'm gonna freaking pee my pants. I'm sure Jasper is just as excited!

JPOV

" Wow a Mcdonalds happy meal. Yay."

"With the toy!!! AND the maze on the back!" I'm not quite sure how IT could be so excited about that.

" Emmett you do realize your a vampire and you can't eat that stuff." idiot.

"Oh Jazzy, don't you get it? By completing this task I am no longer a vampire. Now, I am a pirate!" I don't understand how he can sound so studious while saying that.

"Ok Emmett your a pirate. Now go ahead and eat that." Hehehehe

EPOV

EWWWWWWWWWWWW! This stuff tastes like crap! How can this be? I am a pirate! Hmm... I guess this is what pirate food tastes like. Oh well, I'll just ditch the food.

JPOV

The look on IT's face was classic! Hahahahahaha. That almost made babysitting IT worth it!

"Ok Emmett. You play with your little toy and I'll go read a nice book. Don't blow anything up while I'm gone." Finally I can go!

EPOV

Suddenly I heard footsteps on the porch. "OH NO WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" In a flash I looked through the window, and what I saw was not pretty. " GO JASPER! GET THE GARLIC! GO GET ROSALIE'S MAKEUP! GO GO GO!!!!!!!" This is my time to shine!

JPOV

" Here Captain" He rounded up all IT's supplies and tip toed out of the room. Hehehe I'm good.

APOV

Well that was torture. Bella just has no sense of fashion what so ever! Oh good the doors unlocked, Emmett must be home.

Oh no! Emmett must be home!


End file.
